Baggage & Boundaries (Part 1)

What I've learned regarding relationship is most people want partnership without commitment. However, relationship requires an investment that is more than finances, more than an emotional commitment - it's a true connection, it's spiritual. Relationship requires communication, honesty, respect and so much more. Relationships require a fortified foundation. However, far too many of us carry around baggage from relationship to relationship often stemming from a void at some point in our childhood experiences. Before engaging in relationship/partnership, one must Know thyself!
 

Marcell "The Voice" Russell's, album, "The Serenade & The Sermon" coming 2013, speaks to pure love and authentic relationship beginning with self. After an interview with Marcell regarding his album and relationship, here is what he had to say:

Honestly, in the beginning the scriptures inspired most of my music as well as wanting to address issues in my own walk with God. Then other peoples stories were a bit infused. Next were the ups & downs from a past relationship that had me question so much about my faith. Finally, Vanessa, my amazing wife inspired the last stage of writing and producing this album.

When asked to explain the components of a successful relationship Marcell stated the following:

Dating today means testing someone out sexually, emotional, etc… looking for all the guarantees before you commit. That’s a horrible way to “date” especially when sex is involved. I’m not a fan of dating without a purpose of marriage. In fact it’s no where in the bible that anyone dated, they courted only.

I think should you do two things: 

1. Work everyday to become what you would desire from someone else; it can help keep you reasonable, grounded, humble and clear in your desires 

2. Search the scriptures and grab four scriptures that define your philosophy around love, friendship and marriage. Why? So often I meet religious men and women that can’t give me or anyone one scripture that guides the way they love or befriend people. We can just often rely on our upbringing and think we learned love from the perspective of the one who created love, friendship and marriage in the first place.

Unsure of why people stay in confining, restrictive, abusive, non-beneficial relationships, Marcell says:

To be honest I cannot speak for everyone but from my minimal experience it seems we want what is most familiar more then what is best. It can take years for a person to go from being an employee to a boss or from a boss to an actual entrepreneur because we often do what was taught to us and what we are familiar with. 

It’s the same things in relationships if I was never allowed to share my true emotions in my family, if I saw very little apologizing, if I was defensive even if I was wrong, if I saw a lot of manipulation growing then I’m familiar with that. 

But, if I heard grown ups being humble, being honest about the need for affection, talking through hurts and pains, and openly expressing desires then I am familiar with that. 

It can take folks years to break out of what is familiar verses what is best, genuine and healthy.

When asked to describe what knows about himself that makes him better at being a husband he expresses the following:

Well, I think what gives me a shot at being better is I know how much I need the bible to even remotely love my wife the way I’m called to. My wife only benefits from my walk with God. Love is defined in the word so I would be a crazy man to “love” my own way when love is a God product. I have to pray a lot and read the bible, otherwise I have too many examples of conflicting views on how to love my wife…Disney movies, my parents, TV, friends, radio, r&b music, hip-hop. I work hard to stick with the one who created marriage in the first place.

Marcell shares this advice for people having a problem with boundaries in relationships:

Oh wow, discussing boundaries is very hard for me, very hard. 

I learned true love IS boundaries. Thank God I’m married because I would never date any woman with no boundaries. 

Men and women with no boundaries leave all their desires, happiness, direction etc… on someone elses shoulders and get angry when the other person hasn’t “guessed” their needs and desires correctly. People with no boundaries are reckless and abusive...that's just my perspective. 

I say all the time “expectations that are not agreed upon by the opposite party is the beginning of an abusive relationship”. If you like a woman to call you right after work but you never say it but it creates an issues in your heart at some point … that is abusive you didn’t even give her a chance to meet the need or reject it. If you like for a man to buy you flowers but you never shared that in hopes he would ask or guess without you saying “I love flowers as a gift” but you tell your girlfriends “He still hasn’t bought me flowers, you know how I feel about that” that is abusive, you never gave him the chance to accept or reject your desires. 

Now after you share the things you desire and things you don’t feel comfortable with and they still blow it off well, they are telling you what you have in my opinion. Boundaries are huge to me.

Marcell's new video "Baggage" as well as the entire album "The Serenade & The Sermon" conveys his deepest thoughts regarding baggage, boundaries and the blessings of love. 

Marcell "The Voice" Russell, thank you for your contributions to the music industry, to relationships, love, self-awareness and especially God! 

Click to learn more  Marcell Russell