Baggage & Boundaries (Part 1)

What I've learned regarding relationship is most people want partnership without commitment. However, relationship requires an investment that is more than finances, more than an emotional commitment - it's a true connection, it's spiritual. Relationship requires communication, honesty, respect and so much more. Relationships require a fortified foundation. However, far too many of us carry around baggage from relationship to relationship often stemming from a void at some point in our childhood experiences. Before engaging in relationship/partnership, one must Know thyself!
 

Marcell "The Voice" Russell's, album, "The Serenade & The Sermon" coming 2013, speaks to pure love and authentic relationship beginning with self. After an interview with Marcell regarding his album and relationship, here is what he had to say:

Honestly, in the beginning the scriptures inspired most of my music as well as wanting to address issues in my own walk with God. Then other peoples stories were a bit infused. Next were the ups & downs from a past relationship that had me question so much about my faith. Finally, Vanessa, my amazing wife inspired the last stage of writing and producing this album.

When asked to explain the components of a successful relationship Marcell stated the following:

Dating today means testing someone out sexually, emotional, etc… looking for all the guarantees before you commit. That’s a horrible way to “date” especially when sex is involved. I’m not a fan of dating without a purpose of marriage. In fact it’s no where in the bible that anyone dated, they courted only.

I think should you do two things: 

1. Work everyday to become what you would desire from someone else; it can help keep you reasonable, grounded, humble and clear in your desires 

2. Search the scriptures and grab four scriptures that define your philosophy around love, friendship and marriage. Why? So often I meet religious men and women that can’t give me or anyone one scripture that guides the way they love or befriend people. We can just often rely on our upbringing and think we learned love from the perspective of the one who created love, friendship and marriage in the first place.

Unsure of why people stay in confining, restrictive, abusive, non-beneficial relationships, Marcell says:

To be honest I cannot speak for everyone but from my minimal experience it seems we want what is most familiar more then what is best. It can take years for a person to go from being an employee to a boss or from a boss to an actual entrepreneur because we often do what was taught to us and what we are familiar with. 

It’s the same things in relationships if I was never allowed to share my true emotions in my family, if I saw very little apologizing, if I was defensive even if I was wrong, if I saw a lot of manipulation growing then I’m familiar with that. 

But, if I heard grown ups being humble, being honest about the need for affection, talking through hurts and pains, and openly expressing desires then I am familiar with that. 

It can take folks years to break out of what is familiar verses what is best, genuine and healthy.

When asked to describe what knows about himself that makes him better at being a husband he expresses the following:

Well, I think what gives me a shot at being better is I know how much I need the bible to even remotely love my wife the way I’m called to. My wife only benefits from my walk with God. Love is defined in the word so I would be a crazy man to “love” my own way when love is a God product. I have to pray a lot and read the bible, otherwise I have too many examples of conflicting views on how to love my wife…Disney movies, my parents, TV, friends, radio, r&b music, hip-hop. I work hard to stick with the one who created marriage in the first place.

Marcell shares this advice for people having a problem with boundaries in relationships:

Oh wow, discussing boundaries is very hard for me, very hard. 

I learned true love IS boundaries. Thank God I’m married because I would never date any woman with no boundaries. 

Men and women with no boundaries leave all their desires, happiness, direction etc… on someone elses shoulders and get angry when the other person hasn’t “guessed” their needs and desires correctly. People with no boundaries are reckless and abusive...that's just my perspective. 

I say all the time “expectations that are not agreed upon by the opposite party is the beginning of an abusive relationship”. If you like a woman to call you right after work but you never say it but it creates an issues in your heart at some point … that is abusive you didn’t even give her a chance to meet the need or reject it. If you like for a man to buy you flowers but you never shared that in hopes he would ask or guess without you saying “I love flowers as a gift” but you tell your girlfriends “He still hasn’t bought me flowers, you know how I feel about that” that is abusive, you never gave him the chance to accept or reject your desires. 

Now after you share the things you desire and things you don’t feel comfortable with and they still blow it off well, they are telling you what you have in my opinion. Boundaries are huge to me.

Marcell's new video "Baggage" as well as the entire album "The Serenade & The Sermon" conveys his deepest thoughts regarding baggage, boundaries and the blessings of love. 

Marcell "The Voice" Russell, thank you for your contributions to the music industry, to relationships, love, self-awareness and especially God! 

Click to learn more  Marcell Russell

Crushed

Happy Sunday! May the peace of God flow to you today and always!

For the last five months I have been very quiet.  No blogs have been written. Books that were supposed to be on shelves were halted.  No projects progressed. Everything in my life was quiet.  This quiet space was not my typical "taking a moment to reflect" or "fasting, consecrating and praying". This was a forced quiet.

About eight months ago my world began to fall apart. I believe I was doing all that God wanted me to do. I was fasting, praying, studying, loving people from a pure place, being open and honest (in other words transparent), facilitating a 7 day a week morning prayer call with people from across the US, applying the word to my daily living, helping those without room and board secure a place to rest their heads - I was not only feeding people physically but I allowed God to use me as a vessel to feed and nourish the souls, minds and spirits of those wounded, weary, lost, broken, discouraged and so forth. 

No matter what I did or did not do, the time came when I felt crushed by my circumstances and forgotten by my God.  There was an unsettling deep within; a force that came and a weight that fell in my home, on my children, my finances, my relationship, my mind, my body and my spirit.  I was extremely restless. Devoid of focus, insomnia settled in. Peace searched for me as I longed for it, but peace I could not find. 

I felt like a hypocrite – one who knew the word and shared that word but seemingly placed that same fruitful word on a shelf as if it did not apply to me at that moment.  I tried holding fast to what I knew but I could not. 

This time was like none I have ever experienced. Seems the only way I can truly describe these last eight months is to say that it was like a combination of my past life experiences coming together, happening at once.  Having my mother, father and step-dad die at the same time, while I sat nursing my son who was gravely ill as an infant, caring for my daughter who was recovering from heart surgery, going through divorce while pregnant and so ill that doctors had no faith of whether I would make it through pregnancy, let alone make it to see another day...I was on my death bed -- One can only imagine the stress and fear to have this combination of things happening all at once.

Now I do not want to mislead - these things did not happen all at once but the last eight months has been LIKE having all these events that have happened in my life, happen all at once.

With severe depression taking over, my eating and sleeping regiments were off.  Electric waves began shooting through my head.  The pressure made my eyes feel like they were being squeezed out of my head.  Back aches, neck aches and constant headaches consumed me.  Then I began going through an extreme hormonal imbalance causing other issues that left me drained.

I had to do something my pride despises; I actually had to ask for help. I had to allow myself this time to be vulnerable, to trust other people, to let down my guard so that I could be treated, taken care of and healed.  What I learned AGAIN, and even more so, learned to apply is that I am not an island unto myself.

Over the last eight months I have prayed, cried, screamed, slept, wallowed, hurt deep, lost something’s and some people, acquired new friends and relationships, my family developed an even stronger bond and I have learned that I am not the savior but a human who has chosen to be a vessel by which God can operate and function through to impact other people’s lives.  I am not 100% but I woke up the last few days with my mind so fixed on God that I asked Him again, “Lord, what would you have me to do?”  The answer was nothing new, nothing super spiritual or strange.  It was a simple, “nothing” and you know what, I am okay with doing nothing right now. 

If I could encourage anyone feeling the pressures of life right now, if I could offer a word of advice it would be this: Just BE! Be love, be light, be joy-filled, be at peace, be kind, be gentle…simply BE!!!  Life will continue to have its challenges, trials, test, struggles and pains but we need to make up our minds that everything happening to us and around us is doing what it is supposed to.  So be content. Embrace every moment!

That is precisely what I have been doing – learning more and more to Embrace me…the good, the bad, the ups, the downs, the happy times and sad times, the people who come and the people who go.  All of these events and experiences that have happened over the last few months – forcing me to be quiet and listen to not only God’s authentic voice but the voice that lives deep inside of me has taught me to not take myself so seriously.  Enjoy every moment and continue on this journey of Embracing Me.

None of us are perfect and everyday in simply BEING we are BECOMING – so just BE – be grateful, be open, be responsive to that inner voice, be responsive to your bodies craving for peace, love, joy, happiness and especially the quiet moments. 

Oh, and by the way, God was never absent during this quiet time.  He was the constant when everything else was in disarray.  He was the soothing song in my spirit when I could not sing and did not want to talk.  He was the gentle warmth that wrapped me on lonely nights.  It was God who sent my living Angels to take me to doctors appointments, to pay bills for me, to cook food for me, to sit with me and cry with me, to speak a bold word of strength and encouragement, to drop by unannounced and force me to take a ride with them – God was there.  He was and still is my place of refuge, my rock, my safe place – As I did nothing but rest in Him, God nursed me and continues to fortify me. 

When you feel crushed, just let God hold you!

“We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated. WE do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living.  We are persecuted, but God does not leave us.  We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed.” ~ 2 Corinthians 4:8-11 NCV

 

PRAYER:

Maker of the heavens and earth, today help me to embrace every moment with gladness, contentment and a deep sense of peace knowing you are here with me. Amen