Time is the one thing we all have in common—24 hours in a day. Yet, how we use it varies greatly. Some maximize it, while others struggle under the weight of life’s challenges. Mental health and wellness, topics that have only recently gained mainstream attention, are deeply intertwined with how we address our unique relationships to time, trauma, and healing.
For most of my life, I’ve dedicated myself to serving others while also working to heal my own mind, body, and spirit. But here’s something, not many people know: I am a survivor of multiple traumas—Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), domestic violence, AND a traumatic brain injury (TBI) that happened on January 26, 2019. Imagine having your head smashed against a concrete floor or feeling like you just took a direct hit from Rocky Balboa. Now, imagine enduring 18 months of relentless suffering after a car accident that left you with a TBI. It was agonizing. And yet, I know that trauma is relative. What feels like a knockout punch to one person may be an entirely different kind of pain to another.
There was a time when grief and depression had such a grip on me that I could not get out of bed. I wasn’t eating, wasn’t sending my kids off to school, wasn’t showering, wasn’t meeting with friends or family. I barely existed. My counselor had a key to my home because I was incapable of meeting her at the door. Only a handful of people knew how bad it really was. My mentor was one of them. She wrapped me in love, reminded me of my strength, and—when necessary—used her powerful “Big Momma” voice to pull me back to reality. She reminded me that even though I was deep in chaos, it would pass.A major factor in my depression was unresolved trauma, but another was something doctors failed to acknowledge—menopause. I was 32, spiraling mentally and emotionally, yet when I asked for my hormone levels to be checked, doctors dismissed me. They laughed it off, saying I was too young. What no one told me was that my tubal ligation at age 23 could have pushed me into early menopause. No one prepared me for the intense mood swings, the relentless brain fog, the energy highs and lows, or the nights I felt like I was losing my mind. Only older women who had been through it seemed to understand. And still, somehow, I managed to pick up the pieces—earning my bachelor’s and master’s degrees, volunteering, working, and surviving.
Now, I find myself on the other side, supporting loved ones through their own dark seasons. And it is HARD. Some days, I lead with love and patience. Other days, I’m overwhelmed, tempted to use the same dismissive words that were once said to me: Come on, just get up. The longer you stay down, the worse you’ll feel. But then I remember—those words didn’t help me. They weren’t compassionate, kind, or useful.
The day awaits. And with it, the opportunity to extend to others the same gentleness and grace that once saved us. Love is the only thing that truly builds people up. It’s not easy, and some days it feels impossible, but I remind myself of the people who stood by me, who saw me, who held space for me. I honor them by doing the same.
Caregiving is not for the faint of heart. It’s not for the weak. It’s for everyone—because at some point, we will all need someone to hold us up.
Reflection Questions:
1. Think of a time when someone showed you compassion in a dark moment. How did it impact you?2. How can you offer that same kindness to someone in your life today?
3. What words of encouragement do you wish you had heard when you were struggling? How can you speak those words to yourself now?
With loving kindness and support,
Coaching and Peer Support
If you’re ready to take the next step in your journey of self-discovery and healing, I invite you to explore coaching and peer support. I would be honored to walk with you on this journey. As a certified Peer and Recovery Support Specialist, mindfulness and self-healing coach, experienced author, and speaker, I bring a wealth of personal and professional experience, as well as educational aptitude, to guide you. My approach is rooted in empathy, understanding, and a commitment to helping you embrace your full potential.
Please visit my Coaching and Peer Support website for more information and to connect with me.
Disclaimer
I am not a doctor or licensed therapist. My work is rooted in faith, self-healing, and mindfulness, and I offer support as a peer and coach. I am unapologetically a woman of faith, a disciple of Christ, and committed to the divine mandate to uplift and inspire others.
Notice/Disclaimer
This essay contains the original thoughts of Stacie J. Whitaker-Harris and is protected by copyright law. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or use of this work in any form without the express written consent of the author is strictly prohibited.
Thank you for respecting the creative integrity of this piece!
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