Reflections of my heart

First I would like to take a moment and give greetings to each of you for a new, healthy (mentally, physically, & spiritually) year of growth, love that is pure, compassion, creativity, centered with peace, joy, happiness and altogether, wellness and abundance!

Last year, 2013 was full of surprises and difficulties ranging from broken relationships to challenges related to my health, financial woes as well as decline in business growth  which in turn, weighed heavy on my mind as well as my spirit. What's amazing to me is though I claim to be a woman of great faith, and I am, I found myself in a weakened state which brought me to question my own faith. I found myself unable to write or blog which is evident in the decline of blogs posted from 2011 & 2012 where I posted, on average, about 50 post per year to less than 20 post for 2013.

Well, November 23, 2013, the day before my 38th birthday, I was sitting in a cafe sipping hot and energizing mint tea. I had been in prayer all morning, as I was soul searching what I needed to do to get back on track - not just with writing, but developing and especially living. I needed to find peace again which somehow had slipped away. I needed to regain my confidence in love, purpose in living, insistence in giving, growing and thriving. I needed to find a reason to laugh from the core of my belly.

Sitting there, sipping, thinking, praying and at times, wiping the few tears as they trickled down my face, someone sent me a video about dreaming, purpose and getting unstuck. The spirit of the words resonated at the core of my being. I realized I was doing the very thing I speak against in ministry and in life - I was acting, moving, functioning as and being a product of my circumstance.

At that moment I took a deep breath remembering the final lesson from the previous year's teaching on blessings and curses (per the daily prayer call). The object of the enemy is to steal, kill, and ultimately destroy - but, what exactly is it that is subject to being stolen, murdered and brought to destruction? The object of the enemy is to make you question yourself to a point where he injects mental confusion, fear, self-destructive attitudes which lead to destructive behaviors. He sends distractions like the wolves in sheeps clothing. He desires to disrupt peace. He gives the illusion of a thing being "good" - you know, "the grass being greener on the other side" sort of picture. He wants us impatient and anxious. He wants us void of hope and desolate of faith.

Why? So he can let his decoys in to lead us astray. He feeds off of our "flesh" desires. He is the master of trickery. Thus, his main goal is to get us so wrapped up in pity, anger, hate, lust, money - essentially, the "feel goods" - over indulging in anything that makes us "feel good" even if we know better.  He then wants our lack of self-control to weigh on our minds (emotions/feelings) so we can feel guilty, unworthy, useless - you know BAD about who we are and to whom we belong. He would love nothing more if we would simply quit believing in God. In fact, he wants us to denounce God.

As I reflected in the cafe and as I reflect at this moment I am determined to not only say I am fully armed each day but to be prepared beginning with guarding my mind - my own thoughts. I now know that I must use not only discernment but wisdom, which includes the advice and counsel of the Elders. I cannot allow myself to sink into situations and circumstances, but instead, use them as tools for growth. In other words, take the lessons and leave the junk and clutter that tries to invade my mental space, heart and spirit. Besides, God's word says He wishes for us to be in good health and to prosper. He makes ways of escape and we must be willing to crucify the flesh for different, greater and more rewarding outcomes when we do not yield to the mind of the flesh.

As I reflect, I remember every point where I felt low, alone, forgotten, unwanted and even stupid for loving people and not prejudging who I think they are based on my past experiences. And though we should love and give and be kind and NOT prejudge, we still cannot just connect with everybody because "we feel" it's what we are supposed to do.

I am learning to listen to the heart, voice and word of God more intently. I realize I've done so much out of the spirit of "do-good" and left God out of my initial decisions to engage.

This year I made no resolutions. I simply set my heart to work diligently on what I already know I should be doing. I could bombard this page with a zillion scriptures to support various places where I've grown but for now, I simply want to share my heart and thank the many people who support and encourage me as I push forward in this journey called life. Be well and may God shed light in your heart and through your circumstances so you can be at peace with YOU!