Shepherds Who Lead With Presence:
Faith Beyond Performance
This essay is part of the Grounded Women series from Embracing Me by
Stacie J. Whitaker-Harris. Please share with attribution. Reproduction without
permission is not permitted.
Last week in our series, we explored the emotional courage modeled by
Taraji P. Henson and Brené Brown, two women who remind us that vulnerability is
not weakness, but strength. They challenge the idea that we must appear well
while quietly carrying the weight of unresolved pain.
But vulnerability does not stop with awareness.
Eventually, it asks something more of us.
How do we live from that truth?
How do we lead our lives and our communities from a place that is grounded,
honest, and whole?
This week I want to explore spiritual leadership.
Not the kind rooted in titles, platforms, or performance, but the kind
that grows quietly within us as we learn to lead ourselves first.
Because before we shepherd others, we must learn how to sit with our own
souls.
Two remarkable women influenced me with this kind of leadership: Bishop
Vashti Murphy McKenzie and Bishop Dr. Josephine Truxton Ridgley.
Their leadership modeled something I deeply needed: space for
authenticity, curiosity, and healing.
My Spiritual
Journey Didn’t Start in a Church
When I think about my spiritual faith journey, it did not begin in a
sanctuary or during a sermon. It began when I was eight years old, sitting in
my living room, contemplating life and death. It was the first time I
experienced suicidal ideation.
Of course, at eight years old, I did not know what to call it. I just
knew something heavy had settled into my mind. In that same moment, I also
experienced something else: an encounter with God that would stay with me long
after the moment passed.
Even though those thoughts resurfaced later in life, that encounter did
something important for me.
It kept me honest about my feelings. It softened me enough to stay open,
vulnerable, and sometimes even vocal to a fault because society often tells us
to quiet our pain.
“Hush now.”
“Life isn’t that bad.”
“Look at people who have it worse.”
Our experiences often minimized, our feelings dismissed, and we are told
to push through.
But my relationship with God never allowed me to pretend I was okay when
I wasn’t. Instead, it led me into a lifelong process of learning and
unlearning.
For me, walking with God has meant studying the Bible, asking questions,
and developing a personal relationship outside of rigid systems.
To some, that might look like rebellion. For me, it has always been the
process of discovering my true identity. The one given before the formation.
When a Book
Opens Something in You
Sometime around 2008, I picked up the book Journey to the Well by
Bishop Vashti Murphy McKenzie. I will not lie. That book opened something in
me. It exposed my guilt, my shame, and the brokenness I had been carrying
quietly for years. But it also gave me the courage to keep moving forward in
whatever way I could.
Standing.
Crawling.
Sitting.
Or even lying down while the process unfolded, because healing is not
linear.
For years, I wrestled with the language and traditions I had inherited in
religious spaces. Some practices encouraged growth, but others asked me to
shrink. Stay quiet. Push through exhaustion. Ignore my needs. Serve without
rest.
Eventually I realized something important.
Leadership that requires you to disappear is not leadership rooted in
love. It is performance.
Leadership That
Makes Room for Humanity
Later in my journey, I became a minister at Called to Action Church under
the leadership of Bishop Dr. Josephine Truxton Ridgley.
She did something many people had not allowed me to do.
She allowed me to show up as myself.
She welcomed questions. She encouraged learning, community, service, and
rest.
She corrected me when I needed it, which I welcomed, because no one is
above accountability. But correction came from love, not control.
She also allowed me to lead Bible studies, which deepened my hunger for
learning and studying even more.
During that season, I needed that kind of leadership more than anyone
realized.
At the time, my life felt like it was unraveling.
I was homeless.
Working endless hours.
Separated from my children in ways that still break my heart to think about.
In order to make sure they were safe; we had to live in separate
households.
While I was trying to survive, the wounded little girl inside me was
still making decisions from unresolved trauma.
I was still searching for love in places that could never hold it.
That little girl carried daddy issues and trauma so complex that she did
not even realize she was creating chaos in the grown woman’s life and in the
lives of her children.
It is strange how survival can convince you that you are making the best
decisions available.
Only later do you look back and cringe at the choices you were making
along the way.
I have spent a lot of time apologizing for that version of myself. Not
because I carry shame anymore, but because I now understand the impact of
unresolved trauma.
Learning to Live
Without Chaos
When I left Baltimore and moved to Georgia, something began to shift.
That is where my healing journey began to settle.
My Grace New Hope family surrounded me with kindness and support. Pastors
Randy and Anita Rainwater walked alongside me in ways that helped me begin
building healthier foundations.
They taught me something that once felt unfamiliar.
Boundaries.
Self-love.
Peace.
But when you have adapted to chaos for a long time, calm can feel
uncomfortable, even suspicious.
Healing often requires learning an entirely new rhythm.
For me, that rhythm continued to deepen when I later moved to Arizona.
When Healing
Finally Finds Its Doorway
My Kaleo community in Arizona helped carry me even further into the work
of healing. My mentor Gayle helped me see something I had never fully
understood before.
I was not struggling to heal simply because of what others had done to
me.
I was struggling because I had not forgiven the little girl inside me.
She was scared. She had survived the only way she knew how. Letting go of
old patterns felt terrifying because they were familiar. Trauma had become part
of her identity.
Without it, who would she be?
Not the titles.
Not the roles.
Not the hats we wear.
Just being.
And learning how to exist without performing survival was one of the
hardest lessons of my life.
Why Embracing Me
Was Born
Looking back, I believe this is why the vision for Embracing Me formed in
my spirit many years ago, long before it became a blog.
Embracing Me is more than a platform. It is a journey of self-discovery,
healing, and honoring the divine within.
Here I share my life experiences, the beautiful, the broken, and the
still unfolding, to remind others that healing is possible.
For years, I hid my gifts and my stories out of fear. Through faith, I have
chosen to embrace who I am and share my God-given talents with the world.
Through essays, poetry, coaching, and peer support, my hope is to guide
others toward wholeness, learning to live fully and freely in harmony with
mind, body, and spirit.
Because Embracing Me is not just about my journey.
It is about yours too.
We all deserve to experience wholeness.
Sacred
Self-Leadership: A Personal Inventory
This week I invite you to pause and sit with yourself for a moment. Not
to rush toward answers, but to explore what leadership might look like in your
own life.
Leading Yourself
What emotions have I been taught to silence or minimize?
What would compassion toward my younger self look like today?
Where in my life am I performing instead of being honest?
Leading in Community
Do the spaces I belong to allow room for curiosity, questions, and growth?
Where am I shrinking to maintain acceptance?
How might my presence, not my perfection, serve others?
Healing and Spiritual Grounding
What beliefs about faith or spirituality am I ready to examine or redefine?
What parts of my story still carry shame that need gentleness instead?
What practices help me reconnect to peace, love, and joy?
Looking Ahead
Spiritual leadership teaches us how to come home to ourselves. It reminds
us that healing, honesty, and compassion are not weaknesses. They are
foundations.
When we learn to lead our own lives with presence, something begins to
shift. We stop performing survival and start building something more
sustainable.
Peace.
Wisdom.
Purpose.
Eventually that inner work begins to influence how we move through life.
It shapes how we pursue education, how we steward resources, and how we create
stability not just for ourselves, but for the generations that follow.
Because leadership is not only emotional or spiritual. It is practical
too. It shows up in the choices we make about knowledge, money, opportunity,
and legacy.
Next week we will explore what it looks like when women step into
academic and financial leadership.
Through the examples of Michelle Obama, Mellody Hobson, and Deborah
Owens, we will talk about what it means to build a purse, a purpose, and a
plan, and why financial sovereignty is one of the most powerful forms of
leadership women can cultivate.
Because healing your life is powerful.
But learning how to sustain it is transformational.
Thoughtfully Yours,
Stacie J.
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