You left me before I was six. My heart was torn but my mind fixed. Fixed on memories I gained. At times these same memories drive me insane but I cherish every moment...remembering your special touch. How I wish that you were here for I miss you very much. I smile, laugh and cry at the same time, often considering what could be. Then reminded by God Himself, there's no need for misery.
Though you will never walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, I'm honored to say you are my dad always and forever. Time nor distance, life nor death will change that fact. So humbled with tears and now an open mind, I make a pact with self to live knowing I'm still your special girl and with that thought I can face the world.
Daddy, my heart and love can not be measured across time nor space. Now I stand confident in a peaceful place. I allow God to securely wrap His loving arms around me. Reminded of the scripture that says, "When mother and father forsake me"...
See, God is the Father of all. He's stood mighty and tall loving me even more than I could ever imagine. Giving me even more than my mind can receive and I am open to allow Him to do all I need to mend my heart from my early years of losing you.
No, I may not be able to have you physically present but I am grateful to have ever had you. To know that I carry a mighty force embedded in my DNA...that DNA reminds me of my two great Father's
1. The Father of ALL life, God and how He majestically orchestrates life in and through every creation
2. YOU, my biological Dad, Edward L. Whitaker, for without you having been, there could be no me.
Dad, with tears but without fears, disappointment and doubt, I recognize you will always be present so I thank God for allowing me to remember today, which would have been your fifty-eighth (58) birthday. I know I am still Daddy's little girl and I am grateful to the Lord God, strong and mighty for Him being my ultimate Father but it does not mean that I don't miss you, love you, weep for you, yearn for you because I do.
People always say that there is nothing like a Mother's love and though this is true, I would like to SCREAM to the world that there is nothing like a Daddy's love, one that is real, true, pure, authentic...
You were my superhero...my superman...
I try to hold on to what I remember...your scent, your voice, your smile, your hugs but Daddy, today, I am remembering one of the last things I said to you and your reply. I asked if you were going to die and you responded by telling me no and to go back downstairs with my Mom. I told you I loved you and you replied with the same love. I can still see you sitting in your bedroom window with the blood stained rag in your hand from your nose bleed.
I shake my head wondering what possessed me to ask if you were going to die. For so many years I was angry with you for dying and I was upset with myself, believing that I was somehow responsible for your death. For ten almost eleven years I was furious with you but I'm not mad anymore Daddy. I searched everywhere looking for you. I went from boy to man, from girl to woman. I needed your embrace, your guidance, your protection, your support, your provision...I needed all that you could give but you were nowhere to be found.
Once pregnant with your oldest grand daughter I told myself that I had to forgive you so that I could share you with her through my memories...and although things were never perfect, Daddy, I loved you perfectly then and I love you perfectly now!
Loving and missing you deeply today,
Your Little Girl,